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Not Being Double-Minded

I've recently become aware of a concept as old as the hills, but as relevant as anything ever was in my life.  I have some intransigent, ongoing issues that I just haven't been able to get resolution on.  And I think I may have finally figured out why...

I have been battling a particular issue; a tough, emotional, confusing situation involving people that I love very much.  And I've searched high and low for the correct path forward. I have been down one road involving understanding the thing from a "psychology" and a "legal" point of view.  Apparently, many people have experienced the exact same thing. They're excellent at describing it down to the most nuanced detail. Sadly, they don't seem to offer many good solutions for the problem.  As brilliantly as they write and describe, at the end of the day, it seems as though we're all just in the same really shitty boat.

So I've gone outside of the mainstream "professional" approach to my issue.  I've gone to the far side.  I've gone to the spiritual for my solution.  The Law of Attraction.  (If people who charge $300 per hour can't get 'er done, well, I spent all my money now, so this option is what my new budget can sustain.  It's cheap to sit in silent meditation on my own couch).    And it's given me more hope than ever before, for a great price:  zero.

According to many Law of Attraction YouTube gurus I'm approaching my conundrum all wrong.  (This has to be true, because what I have done certainly hasn't worked like I want and need it to).  I've listened to Abraham Hicks, Sadhguru, Deepak Chopra, and recently some other lesser known YouTubers on the LOA, one in particular named Joseph Alai.  Also, I've noticed corrobation from my work with the Twelve Steps, and also from...the OG legit source of all time, the BIBLE itself!  "The Jeebs", as I lovingly refer to him.  

Seriously, the fact that the Law of Attraction is CLEARLY described in the teachings of Christ gives me quite a lot of confidence in the ancientness and legitimacy of the ideas.  I studied the Bible for many years, and I'm surprised that the verses are right there in my memory banks.   It's wonderful actually, to come back to the teachings, without the guilt and shame problems back in the day.

So.  The Jeebster is very clear on the Law of Attraction.  First, He says, pray as though the thing already came to pass.  This concept is echoed in many wisdom traditions; the powerful process of visualization, guided meditation, and self-hypnosis. (Once a therapist intern led me in a guided hypotherapy, in which I visualized my problem solved, after years of heartache, and it was the most uplifting 20 minutes I had experienced in years).  And then, sure enough, the healing came to pass!  But.  The problem returned after a few months.  And I think, if the Jeebs in correct (and He usually is) that I MESSED IT UP.  And I did so through what the Bible called "Doubled-mindedness".  

When I got my breakthrough about a year ago, I was elated.  I thought my nightmare was over.  Yet, when my breakthrough broke down, I was doubly devasted.  Undaunted, I got back up to try again.  I asked myself, "What was it that worked before?".   I had tried the Law of Attraction, and at the same time had gone down the legal road.  So I wasn't sure which approach had been the key to my breakthrough.  

With the return of the problem, came serious, self-doubt. Confusion.  "Should I try again?  Or should I let it go? (this has to do with a child's well-being, so that definitely wasn't an option).  "Should I be fearful of what could take place if this problem isn't solved soon?  It's already been so long".  (That particular thought put me into a kind of in a panic.)  Should I continue to try to get help from the government?  Or should I rely solely on God?"

 I kept switching back and forth on a weekly basis.  I was staying up all night, working on court papers.  I was so unsure.  So confused.  I would feel completely sure one moment that going to court was my best bet.  Then when I went to court,

and was blocked three times at the window to file the papers.  

Then I became aware of my Double-Mindedness.  So I committed to one course of action and literally and figuratively burned the other bridge.  

First, I feel better.  I still get passing waves of doubt, but I get right back on my visualizations of the situation coming into alignment with what I want.  And I'm letting go of the intention very intentionally now.  I'm aware of the "fuggetaboutit" phase.  I'm watching for synchronicities, which I'm told are the "fingerprints of God", signs, basically, the the Universe is "doing for me what I couldn't do for myself", in Twelve Step-ese.  I'll follow this up when my manifestation comes in.  In the meantime, I'm so much happier and freer, as I guess I'm finally experiencing faith.

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